To get to the truth

For every night you laid in bed, crying till 1 am, wondering how you ended up at that. For every box of tissues that felt the friction of the tissues rushing out in time to meet the tears. For every moment where you question why you even cared. For every time you dialed his number by reflex, and deleted it when you realized you couldn't press send. For every Friday night regretting that you didn't go out with your girlfriends. For every dollar you spent on that dress to impress and for every penny on the mani-pedi that would go unnoticed. For every detail that you paid attention to when he didn't. For every little thing that you planned out. For every angry thought when you realized it wouldn't happen. For every page of every letter that you tore into two, and then four, and then eight. For every memory that you shoved into a box. For every secret that was thrown away. For every piece of hope that clung onto him. For every minute that felt like eternity while you waited. For every second  that broke your heart. For every millisecond that tore you to shreds. For every question that resonated in your mind as you searched for an answer. For every answer that led you to the truth. 

The truth. The truth that would take back all the times you glanced in his direction. The truth that would erase the blush that seeped through your cheeks every time you saw his smile. The truth that would make you forget how he made you go weak in the knees. The truth that would practice amnesia on all the late night phone calls, and all the reckless i-love-you's. The truth that would break down every sentence he ever said into a warning that you shouldn't have gotten involved. The truth that would make all the handmade gifts disappear. The truth that would shatter all the promises. The truth that would ctrl-z all those instant messages. The truth that would delete all saved messages. The truth that would remove him off your top friends. The truth that would rip up all forms of communication. The truth that would open you to see how wrong you were. The truth that would make you cringe. The truth that would leave you speechless, and hopeless. The truth that would make you remember, but want to forget. But after it all, it would be the truth that set you free.